depression

After for such a long time, you're still in my thought even i tried to forget for what had happened. It really disturbed me cause bit by bit just pop out in my mind all of a sudden everytime. Can't imagine for all the bad things i've done, you still forgive me without me noticing it. After it ends, i tried to just play around with others and notice there's no other that can replace you. These is really a big lesson for me for treating you like this cause i know i can't buy the past. I feel so stupid for the choice i took and i admit everything feels wrong till now. People seems to misunderstand why am i not serious enough it's just simply because i don't wanna have the same mistake happen to me again. Even i'm so that forgetful, the 'happening' between didn't just vanish like that, but it still remain in my mind till now. The time we're at the playground, in school, shop, ice-cream moments, having McD's, and even our 1st time in cinema together. There's even once you felt angry but i didn't help to notice it when i brought you to pool with my friends. I know it sounds awkward and childish but i really do wanna express my feelings here, and i really enjoyed every second and surprisingly, i'm not faking it. Thank God she became my friend again and we're now close enough, for me. Still love her much and care for her, but in a different way you know. :) Thanks for accepting me again cause i really don't feel worth it to lose you. You and your family had really helped me a lot. In a negative way, i'm really a bastard cause i'm easily persuaded and thought of changing style all the time, if you know what i mean.

i don't mind if you read these by chance, i just wanna express my feelings and everything to fulfill my depressionNESS. hah. There's just something that you won't understand why that happened. Really happy for what we are now. Love you always.